I find you in the back room of the church jerking off. Instead of yelling at you, I ask why it is that you're scared that I found you and tell you to continue. Although the rest of the church might think it's bad to enjoy pleasure and masturbation, I think that God still loves you and wants you to do it. I encourage you to keep stroking while I tell you that everyone else is wrong and you should give into the carnal pleasure that God gave you in the first place. There's nothing wrong with it.