This is based ON A TRUE STORY, about 26 years ago, when I was in Asset Management & Loss Prevention. I busted a guy shoplifting and he wet his blue jeans in front of me. I had to be "professional" and NOT LAUGH or point at him but this is a fantasy audio so we're just gonna replay this scenario in a hotter & more fun way!!
I approach and apprehend you outside the store exit, asking for the item back that you concealed in your jacket pocket. You hand it over & I tell you to go back into the store so I can take your picture and ban you from the store. You're already fidgeting & embrassed...

This is based ON A TRUE STORY, about 26 years ago, when I was in Asset Management & Loss Prevention. I busted a guy shoplifting and he wet his blue jeans in front of me. I had to be "professional" and NOT LAUGH or point at him but this is a fantasy audio so we're just gonna replay this scenario in a hotter & more fun way!!
I approach and apprehend you outside the store exit, asking for the item back that you concealed in your jacket pocket. You hand it over & I tell you to go back into the store so I can take your picture and ban you from the store. You're already fidgeting & embrassed about the situation, but me being me, I don't make it any better. We get back to my office & you can't conceal your need to pee, squirming and fidgeting. I tell you it'll only take 5 mins, I just need to take pics of your ID and you sign a form adknowleding you're banned for a year. Of course, my camera needs batteries and I need to print another form. You start spurting in your underwear & it's soaking through your jeans.... making a wet spot. I notice it and call you out on it! SO humiliating. I assure you it'll be quick. You tell me you just dropped off your film at the photo dept (it's 1997 ok!?) & I'm like "you have to pick it up & get it developed somewhere else!" SO we start walking to Photo & you're bent over trying to contain yourself when WHOOOSHHHH, you can't hold your bladder & you're totally pissing your jeans. It's a waterfall & it's spreading down both legs & making a puddle. I'm SHOCKED & call my coworker over to get "Warning" signs to put up so no one slips in it. I gotta redirect people and I'm rolling my eyes & laughing. It's a whole ordeal. THen I walk you to the Photo dept & explain to the girl that you're busted for shoplifting and need to pick up your film, and yes, you also pissed yourself in the frozen food aisle. Have a great day!
NOTE: My voice is bleh; I have a cold!
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