I'm disciplining my human furniture for underperforming at last night's event. He kept dropping my guests and letting everyone down. I was embarrassed.

I go through the positions he needs improvement upon. First, using the flat surface of his shoulders as a bench for my big ass. This compresses his back uncomfortably, causing him to collapse often. I make sure it hurts all the while. I count up to see how long he can hold me, and he barely gets past 10. Failure.

Next, I ride him like a pony. He is meant to transport guests across the floors of the party, and he kept failin... Show more