It must be such a mindfuck to rest next to your bitchy wife every night when it's me that you love. It's me you yearn for. You don't love that nagging bitch. You are infatuated with me, completely hooked on adoring my shiny body. You obsess over what to get me for Christmas, how to fill me with holiday cheer... but you've barely given any thought to your wife at all. She's going to get a cheap, quick present while I get something thoughtful and expensive. You belong to me this Christmas.