First Date - *Dinner and the world's smallest penis freakshow.*

We've been friends for months, and tonight, you finally worked up the courage to ask me out! Unfortunately, you forgot to tell me about the floppy dingleberry in your pants, aka your dick. Come on... did you really think I'd even TOUCH your miniscule cocklet? No, all your little vienna weenie is good for is amusement, and I make sure I get my share of it as I laugh and taunt your pitiful excuse for a penis. I even took pictures... they're up on Instagram now for all our mutual friends to see!