Honey, I need to talk to you. I was talking to Tim, the doctor next door, about your obsessive masturbation habits. He was so kind to help Me help YOU. He suggested the you lock up your penis. I know you are thinking that this will come between us in our love life but Tim said he has some great solutions. In fact, I'm going to meet with him for dinner to further discuss this. While I'm gone, go ahead and pick out your device. XOXO