Would you be my valentine? You wish loser.

You will not be "patting the kitty" when I wake up horny this Valentine’s Day.

No buffin the muffin
No greasing the gash
No hitting the slit
No slamming the clam

You’ll be busy working on your "secret handshake with the milkman"

And let’s face it, that is the best possible outcome for a hopeless little handhumper.

Sucks to be you, loser. Happy Valentines Day!