Thank you for coming into my office today. We need to have a discussion about your frequent bathroom breaks and your coworkers have heard your noises and mutters. They know that you’re masturbating in the office bathrooms about me and my big breasts. You’ve been caught and I’m not quite sure what to do about this! Perhaps if you and I have a little bit of fun, you’ll get it out of your system? It is flattering even though I’m not sure it’s appropriate as a member of the Human Resources team. I can see you’ve got quite an erection. Why don’t you go ahead and pull it out for me?

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