I know of your dirty little habit. Didn't you know that it's a sin to spill your seed on the ground? You jerk it all day long and you don't even care if god is watching. You aren't completely lost, though. There is a way to appease him: eating your cum.

Don't ever let your seed go to waste. You must clean up every drop, or your soul will be condemned to hell. I encourage you to jerk it and clean up your mess and give you a countdown at the end. Just remember, every time you masturbate from here on out, you must eat your cum.

God is watching.