Hey sweetie, I need to tell you something. I've been cheating on you. For a year. This whole time. Does that make you mad? Do you feel betrayed and disrespected? Well I don't care, because I'm going to keep fucking him.

Think of the past year and fill in the blanks. All those times I made you work overtime, disappeared for hours at a time, bought sexy lingerie that you never saw me wear...It was all so I could fuck him, NOT you! I don't know how many times we did it in YOUR bed. A few times, I didn't wash the sheets, because it turned me on to know that you were napping in his drie...

Hey sweetie, I need to tell you something. I've been cheating on you. For a year. This whole time. Does that make you mad? Do you feel betrayed and disrespected? Well I don't care, because I'm going to keep fucking him.

Think of the past year and fill in the blanks. All those times I made you work overtime, disappeared for hours at a time, bought sexy lingerie that you never saw me wear...It was all so I could fuck him, NOT you! I don't know how many times we did it in YOUR bed. A few times, I didn't wash the sheets, because it turned me on to know that you were napping in his dried jizz, next to the wife who wanted nothing to do with you. It was because I was being taken care of by another man. A better man. Remember all those mysterious withdrawals from our bank account? It was for him. I used YOUR money to fuck around and cheat on you. I kept my wedding ring on every time. We laughed at you. Behind your back.

Does that anger you feel turn into arousal? That sinking feeling in your stomach, does it perk your penis? How about I let you in on this arrangement and allow you to stay married to me, as long as you follow the rules? I'm going to cheat on you every fucking day. I'm going to go shopping with your money, while I tell you all about what I'm going to do (and what he's going to do to me) on my date later that evening. I'm going to make you work all the hours you possibly can, so you can fund our fun and be out of the house more often...and you'll know what I'm doing while you're away, and it will gnaw at your mind all day long while you work your ass off for us.

Either way, I'm not going to stop cheating on you, and my prenup made sure that I'm never punished for infidelity, so even if you divorce me, I'm still going to be draining you of your hard earned money.