I am God, and My Ass is Jesus. From now on, you will get on your knees before My Holy Ass and pray for its blessings. I will teach you how to be a devoted disciple, and all you have to do is give up everything to serve Me. Material possessions are nothing compared to the infinite divinity of My Ass. I command you to build a shrine to My Heavenly Ass and worship it every day. On Sundays, you will meditate in reverence and give thanks to Me for allowing you to exist in My world. If you are a true disciple, you will tithe 10% of your income to Me every Sunday, the Day of Worship.
Only the devoted will enter the Kingdom of Sarah's Ass, and many will try, but few will be allowed past the gate. Lay yourself down for Me, sacrifice in My name, pray at the Altar, and obey My commands.
I will not grant you the blessing of an orgasm just yet - you only cum on Sundays.

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