I recently bought 2 new denim shorts and even though they are my size both of them dont fit my phat ass :(

The blue ones are super tight i can barely get them buttoned up and they flatten my ass like a pancake and make my farts sound very distinctive. Next I try on my yellow denim shorts and a little looser but still pretty snug in the rear and I try out the farts in those too. The farts start sounding kinda messy and I cant mess up these shorts in case I return them lol.