My sneakers are worth more than everything you own. You are so obsessed with my checkered vans that you've personified them, knowing they are above you in every way. They are loved by the entire internet and should be in a museum. You wake up and go rest thinking of them. You obsess over them every day. It is time I give you some daily mantras to recite every day to remind you of your higher power. You will always be worthless in comparison to my vans.