You're a loser who could never get a girl... I also know that you're in love with my sneakers. You'll never have me so you long to date my sneakers. I will make your date as humiliating as possible. You'll have to take them out to dinner and the movies and treat them with constant care and attention.. They are the only chance you have at dating and you'll treat my sneakers as if they are human. You'll be pathetically thankful for the opportunity to date my sneakers.