You have come over because I apparently have some really exciting news for you! I come in and plop down with energy and tell you that starting off, there is a quick back story and I get right into it! I tell you that I have this friend who recently told me that there is a line of special magical cheeses that can turn you into your favorite furry critter. She just did it a little while ago and she got to become a cow! I can't even express how jealous I am about that, and I decided that I wanted in on the action! So, I have here some muenster cheese and I intend on utilizing its magical properti...

You have come over because I apparently have some really exciting news for you! I come in and plop down with energy and tell you that starting off, there is a quick back story and I get right into it! I tell you that I have this friend who recently told me that there is a line of special magical cheeses that can turn you into your favorite furry critter. She just did it a little while ago and she got to become a cow! I can't even express how jealous I am about that, and I decided that I wanted in on the action! So, I have here some muenster cheese and I intend on utilizing its magical properties to become whichever creature I want! I pull out an 8 oz block of cheese and take a huge bite of it to get started. You ask me about what furry creature it is that I want to be and I tell you that you'll just have to wait and see. I continue to take large bites out of the cheese and as I'm commenting on the flavor, a loud hee-haw escapes my mouth and I look at you in shock. Not exactly sure what that was, but I keep on eating... Before long, a shudder runs through me and before it's over, donkey ears appear on top of my head! You alert me to them and after reaching up to touch them, I am astonished to find that it is indeed true! So, you guessed it, I wanna be a donkey. I continued to eat the cheese and it causes me to hiccup, but at the end of it, another loud Heee-Haaawww escapes my mouth. I try to play it off like it was just a hiccup, but another HEEE-haaawww interrupts me! I give up defending the sounds and start to nibble on the cheese like I'm grazing on it. Occasionally, I give it a few sniffs, just like a donkey! I even try to hold it up to you for a sniff, which you politely decline. Loud HEEEE-HAAAWWSS continue to interrupt my words, as I continue to consume the 8 oz block of cheese. My understanding was that I needed to finish the whole thing in order for the transformation to be complete. I start feeling a little weird and woozy and it seems as though I might faint, but as I come up from the dizzy spell, there is a brands new donkey nose, instead of my nose! Again, you alert me to this happening and I am ecstatic! I keep on grazing at the cheese and start to even chew like a donkey would, before deciding that I don't want to sit up anymore. I put my plate with the cheese on the floor and I start grazing on it without using my hands. You try to tell me that I appear to be turning the same color as a donkey, instead of what I had been wearing earlier. I decide that I'm just going to keep eating the cheese and I accept that I'm just going to heee-HAAWW occasionally, interrupting me while I'm speaking. I dip my face down and take big bites of the cheese and comment on how now I can really be the "Ass" that I've always been. After a little while of grazing, a tails sprouts from my behind! Once more, you tell me that this is happening and I just trust your word at this point. I continue my grazing and sideways chewing, while talking about my friend who's still a cow to this day, which means, that it lasts a long long time! I laugh about how funny it is that I get to be the furball that personifies me the best and I can be that forever. I continue to sniff, graze, open mouth sideways chew and eat the cheese, before finally finishing off the whole thing. Satisfied with the results, I tell you one thing... I have NO regrets!