You, my roommate, and I, your roommate, are watching a game, and we're being pretty competitive about it. I'm wearing a spandex tank top, a pair of jeggings, and my hair is up in a high ponytail. While I'm talking to you, I'm also eating snacks, and drinking a craft rootbeer (one of my favorite things!). I let out a couple of burps, which sometimes interrupt me mid-sentence. I boast about how my team is going to win, before I interrupt myself again when I blurt out a, "Oh wait!", I lean over, "Hang on, hang on, hang on!", and a bubbly little fart flaps out of my ass, purposefully in your direction. I gasp out a laugh and sit back up. "You know what?" I ask, "I'm not sorry for that! You see, I ate this guys the other day --" you interrupt me to ask what I'm talking about, and my reply is a simple, "Well, yeah! I eat guys sometimes.". I go on to explain how when I do this, it makes me incredibly gassy afterward, and that's what we're experiencing now. "You're lucky I haven't eaten you yet", I say in what seems to be a joking tone, but you're not entirely sure.
You quickly change the subject back to the game that's about to start, and I get an idea. "Okay Mr. Confident.", I chirp with a smile, "If you're so sure your team is going to win, then let's make a bet!". Curious, you ask what it is and I animately tell you my idea. "If your team wins the game", I explain, "then I will have sex with you. But!", and I get closer with a burp, "If my team wins, you have to let me eat you!". You agree much quicker than I had imagined, but it makes sense to me. You're so confident in your team, that you think you'll actually get to have sex with me. "Are you sure?", I ask and lean over to let out another grumbly butt-burp, "Because this gas is the guy I ate the other day coming back out.". You are still eager to agree, so we shake on it and have ourselves a little wager.
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A short time later, we're deep into the game. I cheer when my teams scores a point, followed with me mockingly teasing you. In my giddiness, I tell you to take my phone and call my plumber because once you lose this bet, my toilet's going to be clogged, and I accentuate my point with a malodorous fart. I start gasping about how stinky it is, and have to wave my hand around to disperse the fumes. "This gas is going to be you REAL SOON if your team doesn't start doing better!", I jeer, followed with a cheer when my team scores again. I smile wickedly and add, "I'll bet when I eat you, you're going to make the my gas smell even worse!". Giggling, I notice a dribble of sweat on your face, so I make sure I point it out, along with a grilling, "Oh, is someone nervous? You know you're going to lose!"
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Another short bit later, we're basically at the end of the game. "All hope is lost!", I profess with an accompanying pungent petarade, before reiterating, "That's going to be you in just a moment!". I detail why and how my bloated belly go into this state, and it just so happens to be from the last guy I ate. Ya know, the one I mentioned earlier? I then diabolically titter about how men's cockiness always takes over when it comes down to the potential of getting to have sex. "You ready!?", I voice excitedly when I notice the final buzzer is coming up, "Final buzzer! Fiiiinnaaall Buuuzzeeerrrr', and as the buzzer sounds, I release a bassy bubbler at you for the buzzer's duration.
"You lost big time!", I roar, "You see this mouth right here?", and I point to my mouth, "You're about to go in it! You see this ass right here?", and I now point to my bubble butt, "You're about to come out of it!". I impart that I've slowly been feeling better as I've been burping and butt-trumpeting this other guy out, which has made plenty of room for you! With another noxious gassy fart, I pinch my nose at the miasmic stank, and pant out a "PEYEW!", before landing my attention right back on you. "You know what this means, right?", I inquire seductively, "This means I get to - I interrupt myself with a loud belch - this means I get to - again, a burpy interference cuts in before I finally finish my sentence - eat you!", and I purr an, "Are you ready?"
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It's a couple of hours later and I've made a yummy little dish with your -- umm -- remains, which I greedily munch down on, while making all sorts of 'mmmmm', 'yum', and 'num num' sounds. I drool about how delicious you were, my now old roommate, and I moan about how you're going to give me so much gas! In fact, I swear that I can already feel my belly getting bigger. "I'm going to digest you and dump you out into my toilet", I giggle while patting my belly, "which is going to get so clogged!". This is followed with an urgent look on my face, as I realize it's doodie time, and I hurry off to the bathroom.
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Once in the restroom, I sit down on the porcelain throne, ready to release the load that I've had stewing in my guts. I begin straining and pushing down, while intermittently patting and rubbing my belly. "How's it going down there?", I question my belly, "I did warn you.", and I shake my head. Once I finish up, I stand and pull my pants up, before flushing and waving 'goodbye' the the descending you-mess.
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Excited to tell someone about this epic experience, I'm now on the phone with my friend, while sitting back on the living room couch. "Yup!", I say with a diabolically burst of laughter, "He totally lost!", and after thinking for a moment, I continue, "I really think I need to call the plumber. That was one of the biggest dumps of my life!". In response, I listen to my friend's chuckling and mocking of you, before I get an evil thought. "Ya know, he claimed to be his team's #1 fan.", I snicker, while choking to hold it in so I could finish what I wanted to say, "Since I'm obviously the #1 fan, he'll just have to settle with being the #2 (number two) fan", and I poignantly hold up 2 fingers, before bursting with howling laughter. Ya'll see what I did there? Eh? Eh? #2!? Ah, yeah, you get it!
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***Some words have been censored to remain compliant***
( 2 words to be exact. Words that surprisingly have nothing to do with the specific category of this video. So, if you're worried. Don't be, hehe. )
