Honey, we need to talk.... I'm tired of hiding everything from you, so I'm going to finally admit it all. I've been cheating on you. I've been cheating on you for as long as I can remember! I've always considered you to be a pathetic loser of a husband that's terrible in bed and can't satisfy me! Now... Since we have that out of the way, finally, it's time to talk about how our relationship is going to go from here on and how I'm even going to start including you in the things I do with other men!

Recorded on a Blue Yeti Microphone - AUDIO ONLY