Sadie's never had a toe fight before. I have and lost, unfortunately, owing to the fact that my feet were much smaller than my fellow competitor's and she was able to grab my toes with hers (and not let go). I know Sadie has a bigger shoe size than me, but are her feet really all that much bigger than mine? and, more to the point, are they more powerful than mine? I'm not convinced, so I invite her over to try to restore some of my pride.

She arrives over chipper as can be and eager to know the reason for the sudden invite. I mention to her that I lost a toe fight recently but I'd ...

Sadie's never had a toe fight before. I have and lost, unfortunately, owing to the fact that my feet were much smaller than my fellow competitor's and she was able to grab my toes with hers (and not let go). I know Sadie has a bigger shoe size than me, but are her feet really all that much bigger than mine? and, more to the point, are they more powerful than mine? I'm not convinced, so I invite her over to try to restore some of my pride.

She arrives over chipper as can be and eager to know the reason for the sudden invite. I mention to her that I lost a toe fight recently but I'd like to try again with her. We compare foot sizes from a sitting position girth our legs making a bridge over the couch. After that, we place our feet on the ground, side-by-side, big toe to big toe, in order to get a more accurate idea. Well, it appears has does have some size on me (and she uses the opportunity to taunt me mercilessly for having freakishly small feet). Whatever, small is a relative term. I don't think mine are freakishly small, and I certainly don't think they're weak.

We sit back with our feet once more bridged up, sole to sole, eyeing each other with suspense, eager to start the match. Then we count down and begin pressing sole to sole but Sadie immediately pulls the same move my last rival did, pinching my toes inside her own and refusing to let go. It's humiliating but I voice to her that first rounds are usually unpredictable and it's not a sign of my inferiority. So we go again. This time, Sadie counts to 10 gloatingly, like she's sure she's got it in the bag. It isn't until the 3rd round that she really rubs it in, when she counts to 10 and then continues ! I feel like she'll never stop counting, and the whole time my poor toes are trapped helplessly behind hers.

Luckily, I do now someone with toes much, much smaller than mine. After accepting my position as loser, I tell her to hold on while I grab my phone and proceed to share pictures of the other woman's toes. We laugh and mock her extraordinarily little digits, breaking only to to breathe and get a better look at the photo.