I know you are probably looking for that special someone for Valentine's Day, but let's face it, you're a loser. No woman you would want would actually ever voluntarily date you. Just save yourself the inevitable disappointment of ending up alone on Valentine's Day by paying me to be mine. Whatever you think it'll take financially to be a part of my life this Valentine's Day, I want you to double that and send it to me. I deserve everything and more, and you're just a pathetic loser who has to pay me for my attention on Valentine's Day!

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