THIS IS A 3 MINUTE VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL VIDEO! This is so that you can get a small dose of the longer video for a fraction of the price. Embrace your new role as my golden ashtray. Not that you have a choice though! I guess you shouldn't have answered my ad. But now you're my new favorite piece of human furniture. So thank me as you taste my ashes and writhe in agony. I've just finally given your life some purpose.

THIS IS A 3 MINUTE VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL VIDEO! This is so that you can get a small dose of the longer video for a fraction of the price. Embrace your new role as my golden ashtray. Not that you have a choice though! I guess you shouldn't have answered my ad. But now you're my new favorite piece of human furniture. So thank me as you taste my ashes and writhe in agony. I've just finally given your life some purpose.