I really miss smoking indoors. I never laid around with an ashtray next to me or anything. It was more covert than that. I was a "secret smoker", so I would always stuff towels under my bedroom door and open the windows wide. Then it'd be time to don my smoking scarf/hat and chainsmoke, just people-watching as I directed the smoke out the open windows. I've got about a third of this abandoned pack left, so I've been sneaking cigs when my boyfriend isn't home. It feels indulgent; not just because I know it's bad for me, but because I'm doing something (mildly) reckless. Plus I just fucking miss...

I really miss smoking indoors. I never laid around with an ashtray next to me or anything. It was more covert than that. I was a "secret smoker", so I would always stuff towels under my bedroom door and open the windows wide. Then it'd be time to don my smoking scarf/hat and chainsmoke, just people-watching as I directed the smoke out the open windows. I've got about a third of this abandoned pack left, so I've been sneaking cigs when my boyfriend isn't home. It feels indulgent; not just because I know it's bad for me, but because I'm doing something (mildly) reckless. Plus I just fucking miss taking big, satisfying, lung-burning drags. I miss the hand-to-mouth repetition and instant gratification. Everyone needs at least one vice...maybe this can be mine for a little while longer. But only til the pack is up! Then I'm out of the game again, no more ciggies for this girl. I'll enjoy them while they last though!
Take a smoke break with me :) We can sit in my room and blow smoke out the window together while I muse about smoking and life in general. Such as the differences between how men and women hold cigarettes. Men tend to cup their hands over their mouths, while women tend to hold their fingers straight. Have you ever noticed that? I demonstrate it by trying to smoke like a man and then smoking "like a lady". I look absolutely ridiculous when I try to smoke like Don Draper or Jax Teller, so I abandon my whole "smoke like a man" idea pretty quickly in favor of smoking with my fingers straight and dainty (though to this day I've no idea where I first saw this or tried to emulate it). I also talk about how it feels to be a revolving-door quitter, something about the time I lived off of cigarettes, protein bars, and, and a few other things. I'm either looking at you coyly or gazing out the window as I chat, laugh and smoke. Kind of like if I invited you in for drinks and a smoke while my boyfriend was out and then we just hung out and maybe flirted a little :) I'll just keep telling myself that my white filters catch a good chunk of the bad stuff (even though I know they don't) so that I can continue to enjoy this vice for a little while longer. Care to join me?
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