Hello, you look very nervous!
Don't worry about it, firstly I'd like to apologies very profusely that we're still doing these kinds of things via webcam, but we will be returning to the office very soon.
There's just a few questions I need to ask you first, just to make sure you're suitable.
Why is it you want to work here?
Be honest, you see we already did some background checks and found out some very interesting things about you... All of your dirty secrets spilled open!