What are your long-term goals for your financial future? Whatever they were, you can put those foolish ideas out of your mind. I'm no ordinary financial planner; I help people like you achieve exactly what they deserve. Every penny you own will find its way into my pocket. Every asset you own will soon be in my name. Every hope or dream you had for a pleasant retirement will be ground beneath my expensive heels. What's my fee, you ask? 98% of net earnings after necessities. I like to leave that 2% so you can save up for my Christmas bonus. Now, let's go over this plan together...