This year is all about diving deeper into your addiction so you can become the best possible version of yourself. And what’s the best possible version of you, darling? Well, obviously the one that spends all day and all night gooning away for me.

You’re ready to make the Ultimate Gooner Resolution. You’re ready to masturbate around the clock. You’re ready to give into every jerk junkie impulse, edging yourself into oblivion over and over. You’re ready to be my perfect stroke slave, addicted and aching for me forever. You’re ready to commit.

Let’s talk about your resolution... Show more